Just Some Thoughts

I have been thinking lately, which can be dangerous sometimes. But anyways... Sometimes I wonder what I am doing with my life. Sometimes I get the feeling that I am wasting my life away. I know what I want to do and where I want to be, but it seems like I am simply not following through with it. I don't know how to break out of this. I feel like I lack motivation. Everyday I do the same thing. I wake up and go to a job that I absolutely loathe and seemingly waste away all day doing the same thing. Every second that I am there I feel like I am wasting away to nothing. After that I wait around until I pick up my sister. I find myself looking forward to this time. I love the few minutes I get to spend with Sarah as we drive home. I know I am gonna miss these moments when they are gone. When I get home, I know I could spend my time doing something productive like reading or something else that could be productive and make me a better person. But instead I sit around and watch the garbage that is on cable TV. There are some funny shows but lets be serious most things are really not worth watching because they are all the same. I mean how many reality shows can there be. I digress... After all this I usually go see Bethany. This is always the highlight of my day. I love the time that we get to spend together but I feel like sometimes I am bringing her down because of my laziness. My lack of motivation is killing me and then I feel like I bring others down because I lack the necessary skills to engage them in stimulating conversation. My conversations are slowly dulling and becoming more and more shallow. I guess I miss being in school. I miss the fact that I was forced to read and to think. TV is rotting my brain. As I am typing this I am watching Family Guy. I mean, it's hilarious, but let's be serious, it's not the most stimulating of TV shows. I think I am slowly losing the ability to think for myself. I miss the times when I lived with my best friends and the long challenging conversations. I long for those times again. Maybe I just need a change of scenery or just need to be challenged. I don't know. I don't even know if all this makes sense, hopefully it does. Oh well...